Jesus, Was it Hard?

Verse: Psalm 13 Song: You’re Beautiful by Phil Wickham

By: Jessi Drost

Jesus, was it hard?

Was it hard to be mocked and made fun of?

Was it hard to be accused of things you didn’t do?

Was it hard to remain quiet through the betrayal and lies?

Did you want the truth to be revealed at that moment, or was it enough to know that God had a plan far greater than your own ability to defend yourself?

…

Did it hurt when your own family and hometown rejected you, and failed to see who you really were? Or was your heart full knowing that you were grafted into the family of God? 

Did you ever want to quit? 

Did you ever want to give in to the accusers and leave your ministry to please them? 

Did you ever fear what they might do to you for refusing to bow down to their ways?

…

Did their words ever hurt? 

Did they ever cause you to question your worth or your purpose? 

How did you remain so sure of God’s plan for your life? 

How did you keep the voices of your adversaries separate from the voice of God? 

How did you remain so strong through it all? 

…

Your walk here on earth gives us the example we need to live out our own lives, but as I read your word, you make it look easy; was it?

Did it look easy for you because you were so sure, so confident, in who you were and in God’s plan for your life? 

Is that the piece I am missing?

I desire nothing more than to live my life fully for you, and some days I do feel that strength in knowing your truth is all that matters, but other days Lord, I can find myself so easily swayed by their voices!

The lies, the accusations, the assumptions… they all hurt so badly!

I want to smile, to pretend it doesn’t bother me, but how could it not? 

Your word tells us that “telling lies about others is as harmful as hitting them with an ax, wounding them with a sword, or shooting them with a sharp arrow.” Proverbs 25:18 

Of course it hurts! Our words matter!

(Read more on the power of our words here)

Some days I just want to be free from it all. To walk away and never look back, but I know I would only be running from the growth you have for me through these trials. 

Like David, praying for relief from his despair, I cry out to you Father: 

“O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever? 
How long will you look the other way? 
How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, 
with sorrow in my heart every day? 
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?”
Psalm 13:1-2

I need relief, I need strength, I need YOU Lord. 

It’s all so unfair, so wrong, yet you aren’t taking it away. 

You aren’t stepping in, revealing the truth I so desperately desire. You aren’t changing hearts or replaying all that has happened on a wide screen for all to see. 

You are allowing this, so I have to believe you will bring good from it. I have to put my trust in your word and truly believe that you will indeed work everything together for those who trust in you (Romans 8:28). 

All I can do is keep my heart pure (Psalm 51:10), and keep my eyes on you and the race you have set before me (Hebrews 12:1-2). 

Everything else is just a distraction…

My only choice is to trust you and your ways. I can’t control what others do, say, or believe, but I can control how I respond to it. 

I can choose to not let their hurtful words and accusations take my eyes off of you and the purpose you have for my life (Colossians 3:2).

I can choose to praise you in the midst of the pain, for time and time again you have rescued me from their grasp. You have filled the void that their betrayal has created; you have provided all that we need simply because you care (Psalm 34).

I can look to the example of Jesus, and remain quiet even when the temptation is strong to defend myself, trusting that you have it all under control (Matthew 27:14).

I can love them from afar, just like you have asked me to do. I can pray for them and want good for them despite what they say or do to me (Romans 12:14, 1 Timothy 1:1, Matthew 5:44). 

But I can also bless them and love them without being forced into a hurtful relationship in the name of manipulative love. I can forgive, remain open to repentance and reconciliation, while also guarding my heart from an unrepentant and hurtful person (Matthew 18:15, Proverbs 4:23).  

I can choose to let it all go, trusting that the truth is safe in your hands. Because even if no one else ever knows the truth, you do, and that’s all that matters… It’s all the peace we need to keep on running our race. 

…

I trust you Lord, and despite the pain inflicted by others, I choose to live my life for you and you alone (Galatians 1:10).

I choose to believe you have a purpose far greater than I can see, and that through our struggles you will lead broken hearts to redemption. 

Thank you Lord for never leaving nor forsaking us. Thank you for reminding me over and over again that I live to please you, not man. Thank you for sending your son, fully God and fully man, to show us how to live while on this earth. Thank you for providing us the safety, the wisdom, the wise counsel, and the love we have needed to walk through such hurt. Thank you for using these trials to strengthen us, our marriage, and our walks with you. Give me the strength and wisdom I need Lord, because I know apart from you, I cannot withstand the storm. Amen