The Wilted Woman Finds Her Voice

Verse: Psalm 139 Song: Fear Is a Liar by Zach Williams

Written By: Jessi Drost

To the Wilted Women,
You’ll find your voice again, and when you do, don’t be afraid to use it.
Sincerely,
A Wilted Woman on the rise…

Smile pretty, be agreeable, don’t rock the boat they say…

Women are to be seen not heard, laugh it off, you’re just too sensitive, they say…

Don’t argue with me, don’t be too confident, don’t be “too much” they say…

You’re too young to understand, your opinion doesn’t really matter. This is how we’ve always done it, they say…

You’re lying, that didn’t really happen. He would never do that. Your lived experience is wrong, they say…

Just turn the other cheek, keep quiet to keep the peace, abuse is a part of following God they say…

That’s just how they are. They’ve gone through so much, we need to have grace. You just need to accept it no matter how wrong or hurtful it is, they say…

All people sin, to love is to excuse it. If you were a mature woman of faith you wouldn’t be struggling to do so. Just hide your pain so you don’t appear weak, they say…

You just need to let it go, it’s a shame what you’re doing. If you’ve truly forgiven, you would allow them back into your life despite their lack of accountability or change in behavior towards you. Silence is peace, they say…

We like you as long as you do things our way. Sit down, shut up, and take it with a smile, that’s what they say.

That’s the loving, Christian thing to do after all… 

They say a lot. 

And after tolerating years of bullying and manipulation to measure up to all that is said I should or shouldn’t be, I’m done listening to them. 

I’m done hiding my voice to please the people around me. I am so sick of making myself less, so others can walk all over me. But isn’t that what we’re taught to do after all? 

It’s spiritual manipulation, but we don’t dare speak out against it.

The criticisms of others, it beats us down until we feel like we have no voice. And we wonder why young women can feel so invalidated, so unseen. 

Everywhere we look, we’re told how to dress, how to act, how to manage our homes, how to work (or not to work), how to be a mother, how to be a wife, how to exist. We’re criticized and we’re judged by the very people who should be mentoring us and guiding us. 

When we finally cry out for encouragement and support, it’s used against us. 

When we attempt to set boundaries against those who harm us, we are told it’s unloving; That enduring abuse and bullying is a part of the Christian life. So we shut up and stay put, even when we know it’s wrong.

We’re manipulated and lied about. We’re cut to the core with the assumptions and accusations, and the minute we try to speak up for ourselves or defend ourselves, we’re gaslit and bullied into submission. 

We’re just women. So why keep trying? No one is listening anyways…

Conforming seems easier. It sucks, but at least there’s no resistance. Sometimes living to please people really does seem easier…

Where God made us to stand tall as his beloved daughters, we learn to wilt…

We smile pretty, we laugh it off, and we try our best to be who they want us to be. All while pretending that on the inside, we aren’t boiling. 

Until the time comes that we’ve had enough, and we finally learn our value!

We say no to the voices of criticism around us. We stand up for ourselves, we set boundaries with those who are harmful towards us, and stop letting the voices of our adversaries win our hearts and minds. 

We stand up, free from shame and guilt, and we become the women who God made us to be!

We learn that we do indeed have a voice, and maybe it’s actually okay to use it… God did give it to us after all. 

This right here, this is where I am…

It was late last night, deep in conversation with Wyatt that it hit me. 

We are all image bearers of Christ (Genesis 1:27). He knit us together in our Mother’s wombs, fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:13-14). We are God’s masterpieces, created anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago (Ephesians 2:10). We are seen (Psalm 139:16), known (Psalm 139:1), and loved (Romans 5:8). 

Why do I value myself, an image bearer of Christ, so little? 

Who am I to decide that I am not worthy of kindness, respect, and love? 

We teach kindness and respect to our kids, but then turn around and don’t expect it from grown adults? Actions speak louder than words, and when we allow unkindness and disrespect in our own homes and lives, what are we teaching them? 

Why would I tolerate treatment from adults, that I would never tolerate or allow with my small children? Why would I have higher standards for my 7 year old, than I would from a grown adult? And if I am actively teaching my children to set boundaries to value and respect themselves and each other as creations of God, why would I not do the same for myself? 

Is it actually loving to let someone sin against us over and over without any accountability? Or are we just enabling their sin? 

If I am seeking wisdom and operating under the authority of God’s word, His spirit, my husband, my local pastors, and sisters in Christ who know my heart well, why would the voices of these critics even matter? 

Why would I for a second feel like their opinions and false narratives should speak louder than those who know me best? 

I’ve let their words about me speak more truth than God’s word…

I’ve been living to please man instead of living to please God…

I’ve submitted myself to the desires of those who are against me, instead of submitting myself to God… 

It’s a humbling realization to see that it was my own desire to be enough that has kept me in the position of scapegoat. Because the truth has not yet been revealed, and might not ever be revealed here on earth, I live as though what they say is true, instead of what God says is true… 

And what a shame it is… it’s a waste of a life. A life that you have a purpose for Lord!

Oh forgive me Father! 

I gave your seat of authority in my life to man, and all that it has done is distorted my view of you, of myself, and of others. 

It is you and you alone that I should live to please Lord! 

It is your truth, your authority, and your voice that gets to lead me! 

Help me Lord to surrender all that they say to you, so that I can truly walk in your grace, your love, and your purpose for my life. 

I see you using this pain to grow me Lord, and for that I am grateful… let me not lose sight of you and your truth in the midst of the pain. 

I know you will work all things out for good.

Where I have wilted Lord, let me rise!

Help me stand tall as your beloved daughter and warrior for your kingdom!

May all the wilted women rise, for as you’ve taught me before Lord (read more here), a wilted woman is not a woman living for the Lord…

Lord, abuse is real. 
Whether physical, sexual, verbal, or emotional it causes so much harm. 
Every day I ponder why you let such sin happen to people you love. 
Why you don’t reveal the truth for those of us stuck in the crossfire of others' sin. 
Why you don’t put a stop to it all I will never understand. 
But that’s just the thing… it’s not my place to understand. 
My only job is to trust you. Trust you, obey you, and live for you and you alone. 
Father, please protect those who are under the thumb of manipulation and abuse. 
Show them that only through you can they find healing. Let them feel your love, God! 
Oh how they need it… 
Lord, I pray for those hearts that are so lost that they would justify hurting others. I ask that your spirit would come upon them! That you would heal what is broken in them, so that they would stop breaking down others... They too, are your children...
Open their eyes to the harm that they cause, and soften their hearts to repentance…
In you we find truth, in you we find love, in you we find justice, and in you we find hope. Keep working Lord, I trust you. 
Amen