Men, Drop the Excuses

Verse: 1 Peter 1:14-16 Song: The Prodigal Song by Cory Asbury

Written by: Wyatt Drost

I know I had intended to previously write a man series, and that, like many things in my life, unfortunately fizzled. However I’ve recently found myself with the urge to write again, with the sole purpose to tell you all about it. My hope is that the lessons God has been graciously teaching me can also be a blessing to you and your family.

To be frank, I had some bad excuses and managed to convince myself that it was mostly Jessi’s blog (even though our conviction was for this to be both of us), and that I’m not a good enough writer. 

I let my own critical self evaluation disqualify me from something God had asked me to do. Well that, and my grades and commentary from my high school english teacher may have been playing over and over in my mind … Was their opinion primarily due to my procrastination issues that involved writing a whole essay the day it was due? Absolutely. But it still supported my theory that I wasn’t qualified to share my writings with the world.

Truthfully, this man series fizzled because I wasn’t living in obedience to God. Plain and simple. I was letting lies from the enemy and my own fleshly excuses win out. 

Procrastination, laziness, a poor attitude, rebellion, stubbornness, pride… They’re all great qualities to possess right?! I’ve realized (though later in life than I would like to admit) that while God had done a tremendous work in me, there were still a lot of things preventing me from having God honoring success in my life. The primary issue was looking back at me in the mirror.

Here’s what I mean…

My lack of advancing forward and lack of growth, has been because of MY OWN lack of taking action, lack of intentionality, and lack of pursuing said growth. It was my own excuses keeping me from being the man God had asked me to step into. 

Ultimately, I was being passive and just going through the motions of my life, not living the way God tells us to. I wanted to point the finger everywhere except at myself for who was to blame, but eventually I had no choice but to point at myself. 

I was the only thing standing in the way of my own growth and obedience to God.

Sound familiar to anyone else?

I want to dive deeper into this problem and spend some time here because I believe it’s pivotal. The qualities I’ve mentioned above are ones I’ve lugged around for far too long. Honestly, I’ve carried this load for as long as I can remember; It’s all I knew…

These character flaws I believe stem from a lack of maturity, and are extremely harmful to the man I wanted to become. The man that I’m chasing after is a vision that I believe God gave me to strive towards. It’s a man who lives for and honors God with every area of his life no matter the circumstances he is facing. If that man is ever going to be the one that I become, then I have to keep growing in order to bridge the gap of where I am today, and where I’m going to. 

Men, I want to encourage you to do the same.

Don’t be a victim to your life or circumstances. 

Don’t live your life only to look back at those days with disappointment that you didn’t live obediently to God. 

The only way we’re ever going to do that is if we first become aware of what areas in our lives need growth and what action steps we need to take to begin the process of change. We need to replace our immature character with the character of God, which is the process of sanctification and is absolutely crucial for us as Christians. 

The very important first step in being able to do this is to first take on a posture of humility and lay down our pride. We need to be teachable, and be willing to admit our flaws, sins and areas that are far from reflecting the only light in us that is Jesus. 

Then, and only then will we begin that process of refinement to transform our character. 

Truthfully, most of the work that will be done from this point will be the work of the holy spirit in you and working through you to be more like Christ. This is because the flesh and the spirit within you are constantly in a battle for dominance in your life. If we want to win this fight, it’s won with the spirit and through the spirit, not with the works of the flesh. Our only role at this point is to obey and invite the Holy Spirit to begin this work within you and be willing to obediently follow the Spirits leading.

These character issues are all issues that a parent should work through with a child because inherently, we are all sinners. As children, we act immaturely and that’s because we haven’t been taught how to walk in maturity. If a parent fails to train their child in the way that they should go, then it sets them up to become adults that still act immaturely… like children. 

Why else would it be an insult when someone tells you “you’re acting like such a child”? 

Children who did not develop in character will often grow into emotionally immature adults. They’re adults in body, sure, but they still carry the immaturity of a child in many ways.

They become the adults that don’t own their mistakes. 

Adults that want to shift the blame to someone else, or sit in silent passivity instead of humbly allowing themselves to learn and grow. 

We are seeing this word thrown around a lot in our culture, but in my experience adults that are narcissists are typically children that didn’t have someone discipline them, teach them, or guide them lovingly to right living by God’s standards. What it boils down to is a lack of responsibility for their actions, and a failure to realize that their world doesn’t just revolve around them.

While it’s hard to admit, for a good portion of my adult life this was me. 

If you’re blessed to be the parent of a little miracle that is a child, then the primary role you’re charged with is to raise your child up in the discipline of the Lord and the way that they should go. But in order to do this well, you have to first live it out yourself. 

I have four children, and hope to have more if God chooses to entrust us with more of his children to care for. How could I expect to raise them up well if I didn’t first refine my own character? 

Now, I’m not here to shame anyone, or their parents, or claim to know all that there is to know about parenting. Even the most intentional and well meaning parent is going to make mistakes and miss the mark. But, I do believe parents must spend time getting to know the heart of their child and know the disciplines that God teaches us throughout the bible to know how to best parent them. 

My point here is that we all carry some type of baggage from our upbringing because that’s simply how it goes for everyone in this broken and sinful world. No one gets through life unscathed. But the important lesson that I have learned in my 10 years of walking with God, is that I can no longer be a victim to the generations before me and use it as an excuse to not do what God is asking me to do. 

If you’ve become aware of your sin and what’s causing it, it’s now your responsibility to address it and start making changes, whether it’s from your upbringing or from your own doing, it’s yours. 

Own it!

You can’t just say “well, this is just who I am”, or try “this is how God made me”, or “this is what I grew up seeing”, or “it’s because of the way I was treated/raised”. 

That’s bogus. It’s the lazy way out of accountability and change. And I have every right to say that because for a long time those were the very excuses I used to continue walking in sin. 

That attitude and mindset can be left outside and given the boot. If you’re truly claiming to be a christian who actually follows Jesus, that kind of belief isn’t acceptable. It’s passive, it’s childish, and it’s immature and you’re not fooling anyone. Especially the God that you’ll one day stand before and give an account of your life.

Is it hard to accept or difficult to change? Sure.

Do we want to pass the blame to someone else so we don’t have to deal with it? Absolutely. 

But don’t settle there. Don’t accept the lies. 

Instead, be transformed by the renewing of your mind. 

Something only God and his word can do. It’s done by reading your bible and making God’s truth, your truth. Not the tape playing in your head on repeat that is of the enemy or your flesh, or what others have said or taught you. 

So back to the opening point of why I lost the desire to write and lead and grow? 

I simply got off track. 

I started listening to those lies again, those ones telling me I couldn’t change the trajectory of my life or of my family. A friend shared with us that the Christian walk is like a kayaker heading up stream; the second you stop paddling, you begin to go backwards. That was me. I grew complacent, I grew lazy, and I began to slip back into old tendencies I thought I had worked through years ago. But true character change will only occur by consistently relying on God to do the heart transforming work that changes who you really are. 

The men that we become largely hinges on whether or not we choose to abide in Christ. 

So men, stick with me, we have a lot of work to do…

My prayer is that through my journey you would find encouragement to change your life, change your family, and change your legacy to one living in obedience to Christ.

“So you must live as God’s obedient children. Don’t slip back into your old ways of living to satisfy your own desires. You didn’t know any better then. But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy.”
1 Peter 1:14-15