To the Men, I’m Stepping Up. Are You?

Verse: Song: Misunderstood by Cory Asbury

Written by Wyatt Drost

An Introduction to my “Man Series”.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you’re stunned by what’s unfolding in front of your own eyes? Like an out of body experience, you’re observing all of the wreckage taking place around you, and you can’t stop it. You’re just along for the ride; a ride of destruction. Your life looks like a deserted battlefield. The piles still smoldering are the remains of your life still trying to hold on. Your marriage, your important relationships, your finances, your responsibilities, your career, your faith walk, everything important in your life is on fire.

This was my life. I went through the motions, I let life happen to me instead of being intentional with my decisions and choices. Every effort I made was another explosion in my face. So I gave up. I was defeated. So easily knocked down. I had no fight in me. No grit. I was left looking around at the aftermath of the battlefield of my life that was now completely decimated. I felt hopeless. What was the point of trying anymore?

The True Battle Begins

Does this scene resonate with anyone? I don’t think I’m alone, and I hope there’s a fight left in every man that’s been here with me. This scene has been my life for far too long and I’m just now beginning to experience emotions like I never have before. My past had hardened and numbed the little emotion I had to the point where I didn’t feel much at all. Despite all of this, I’ve recently had my fight come back. I have too much to live for, and too much to lose. I believe that God still has a lot planned for my life that I can’t just wave my white flag and give up. Not to mention the continued conviction by the Holy Spirit that cannot be ignored. I need to keep fighting the good fight; to put on the full armor of God as it says in Ephesians 6. I need to become a warrior for the Lord, and equipped to fight the battle against the enemy. I was reminded this past Sunday that the battle we’re up against is not of this world, but rather the spiritual world. The battles we face are against an enemy that wants nothing more and nothing less than to kill, steal, and destroy everything good in our lives.

The one hope I know that I can hold on to, and need more than ever in these moments, is a single promise. The promise that God can bring beauty from the ashes of my life. I don’t know why I continually let the stress take me over, or the fear, or anxiety of my worries. They often seem insurmountable, looming over me like an unscalable mountain or heap of bricks weighing me down. I foolishly believe the lies from the enemy that I am my past and I’ll never be enough. I’ll never be able to change who I am. Why do I so easily forget that these hurdles are just enemy attacks in my life? Why do I forget that God is greater. He is far stronger. He is able. He can do any and all things, including erasing my past mistakes and changing me into a man that can reflect Jesus in my life. But something in me needs to change for this to happen.

You see, the realization I now have is that in order for me to actually change, my character needs to change. The reason I’ve failed miserably to actually grow for good in the past was because I was simply trying to change the behavior or the symptom, not the root issue. That’s why I was able to “change” for a few days, weeks, and even a few months at times, though I never could sustain it. My flawed character was the root problem that needed to be addressed. And Jesus is the only one who can change that indefinitely.

Am I There Yet?

Another area in my life that needed to be addressed was the constant battle of confusion I had internally of whether or not I was actually a man. Seems silly? When does our culture say “you are now a man and no longer a boy. Don’t just act like one, be one”? Is it when we can drive? When we turn 18 and are considered legally an adult? When we turn 21 and can drink? When we turn 25 and can rent a car and insurance premiums go down? Really though! When are we actually considered a man? I lacked clarity for so long, and I found that I lacked confidence. I didn’t feel as though I could be taken seriously or like my words carried weight. That I wasn’t respected by those that knew me before we moved away. I now realize that when we moved home, I expected people to treat me differently simply because I was older and now an adult. In reality, the only thing that changed was my age, my character development still had a lot of growth left.

Becoming a man is a process, not an event. Becoming a man is forged in the fires of our lives and how we come out on the other side. It’s built on good morals and ethical behavior, selfless service, and biblical character. It’s built on God. Anything less will lead to immature boys in a man’s body. Let’s be honest here, we all know adult men that still act like boys. I’ll be the first to put my hand up and plead guilty. I’ve continually been this immature manchild. I’ve been selfish, dishonest, self centered, entitled, passive, childish, indecisive, lazy, I’ve played the victim, you name it. When is enough, enough? When I do this, the ones that suffer the most are the ones closest to me. My wife gets another child to look after and take care of, my children are in need of their father to lead them and guide them into Godly character. I’m sick of feeling like I don’t have what it takes, and letting my own lack of guidance in my life keep me frozen in place. I want to lead my home with the authority and certainty that God places on us as men. 

If you’re married or not, you are a king and you have a kingdom. You have a domain to protect and lead. Your wife, your kids, your home, everything that God has entrusted to you is within your kingdom and God has given us the command to have dominion over it. There’s so much more to this as well and I want to dive more into my understanding of the importance of male headship, but that will be down the road.

The three areas I’ve mentioned, Leadership, Becoming a Man, and Male Headship, are critically important in being a man the way God had designed and intended for us to be. I’m disappointed that I’m just now learning about this at the ripe age of 30, but it’s never too late to start. The hope I have is that with the help of God, wise counsel of men in my church and community pouring into me,  and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I will change the trajectory of my families future, as well as our future generations and the legacy that I leave with them.

The health of any organization can be traced back to the way it’s being led and how well those leaders are equipping and training those under them to carry on and improve upon what they’ve done. Why would a family dynamic be any different? The health of your home can only be as healthy as the one leading it. God appointed the man as the leader, whether he’s directly leading or not. So what does your kingdom look like men? Is it treading water waiting to be saved, or drowned? Is it thriving? Or, is it the smoldering remains of a battlefield? I for one am ready to step up and revive mine. Join in with me as I continue to share all that I have been learning in growing in these past 6 months.