From Death to Life

Verse: Psalm 34:18 Song: Broken Vessels by Hillsong United

Written by Jessi Drost

It’s black and bitter. 
Trying to survive in a place with no light. 
Hardened and abandoned. 
Dead to any onlookers, but not to Jesus.
It was my heart. 

He speaks to it gently, he knows he doesn’t dare try to touch it yet. 
It’s not ready. 
It’s too untrusting, too battered.
But he keeps whispering to it. 
He doesn’t give up. 

With each gentle whisper, more blackness falls off. 
Underneath all that decay, are the gaping wounds.
The ones I tried to hide for so long. 
The ones Jesus wants to heal. 
But it’s too painful. 
Too much. 

A dead heart is scary, but not as scary as revealing what’s on the inside. 
The desire to be truly seen and cared for.
To be loved for who I am, not for who they want me to be. 
The wounds caused by others, that I took the blame for. 
The fear that once my heart is revealed, it will be rejected, deemed not good enough. 
Not even to Jesus. 

But he continues to whisper to me.
Just enough to break away the outer layer of blackness. 
Enough to prove to me it’s ready.
It’s ready for his healing touch. 

Tentatively, I let him in. 
I welcome him into my heart.
I look down at my chest, it’s no longer black that I see.
But in its place are wounds that bring me to my knees. 

Did I make a mistake? 
Was this ugliness better off hidden? 

He assures me, in his timing, it will heal. 
Slowly, as I’m ready, he will heal it. 
All I need to do is cling to him.
Cling to him for my strength.
Trust him and let him guide my every step. 
Surrender my life fully to him. 
If time and time again I choose to follow his way, my heart will heal. 
And as my heart heals, his light will fill me. 
I will be free! 

It will be painful, and it will be hard. 
But it will be worth it. 
Healing is worth it.
Jesus is worth it. 
So I accept. 

I surrender my heart to the person who made it, 
so he can clean up the damage caused by this broken world. 
It’s a daily surrender. 
Not a one time thing. 
As the days go by, some harder than others, the surrender becomes easier. 
My heart slowly heals. 

The wounds stop oozing, the open flesh clean and pink.
The blood and oxygen finally reaching my heart again. 
But surrender is not easy.
The world is still broken, people still hurtful. 
But Jesus is stronger.
He reminds me to keep my heart in his hands, there it is safe. 
He won’t let anyone touch it unless I say so. 

I keep trusting him, keep getting to know him. 
His word is a lamp to my feet, His Spirit my friend. 
I look down again, and the smaller wounds are healed. 
His light shining in and through.
He’s using the light to guide others to him. 

But there’s still so much brokenness to try and hide. 
Still so much pain inside.
Still so much in me that needs his healing touch. 

He asks me to surrender that to him too.
All of it.
Every broken piece of me. 
Even the pieces I’ve white knuckled for years. 
He’s proven trustworthy.
He’s proven faithful.
He’s held my heart with care. 
Of course I can surrender what’s left of me.

As his hand touches the remaining wounds, blinding light fills the space around me.
Something once dead, now looks like new!
Shining bright for all to see! 

My black heart, it’s healed.
It’s strong and healthy, beating steadily for The Lord. 
The scars shine smooth like pearls, evidence of the wounds that once existed.
Evidence of the healing power of Jesus. 
There to show others what he can do. 

People ask why I follow Jesus. 
This is why. 

He healed my heart, when the world said it was too far gone.
He took every broken piece of me, and healed it.
He’s filled me with his light, so that I can shine his goodness to others. 
He protects me, he comforts me, he guides me. 
In him I am known, in him I am good.
I am who he says I am.

My heart is in the hands of Jesus, the one place I know it is safe. 
He took my broken parts, and made them beautiful.
That is why I follow Jesus.

And he wants to do the same for you too. 
Let him in. 
All it takes is the first surrender…