The Busy Mom Learns to Play
Verse: John 15:11 Song: Fill My Cup by Andrew Ripp
Written by Jessi Drost
I’m a doer, a driver, an achiever. I wouldn’t say I’m exactly type A (details bog me down), but I was raised to work hard and constantly be on the lookout for ways to be useful, productive, and to grow. Not a bad quality in the workplace; I’m grateful my parents were so intentional about growing strong character traits in us as children. Wyatt and I are choosing to implement a lot of these intentional traits into our own children. But when you carry that “need to achieve” attitude into other areas of your life, like as a stay at home Mom, well it can become unhealthy quite quickly.
As a child I rebelled against the implementation of these (and many many more) character traits (consider this your apology Mom and Dad), but as an adult, I obsessed over them. It was like a switch flipped inside of me and I had to be in achiever mode at all times. College? Had to be perfect. Anything less than 95% was not worthy. Work? Must be irreplaceable. Having my own home? Must be spotless at all times. My body and appearance? Must meet the world’s beauty standards. Marriage? Must be the perfect wife, and when I wasn’t (because duh, we’re imperfect sinners becoming one) I had to walk under a cloud of shame until I pulled it together. Motherhood? Any mistake and they’re screwed up for life. Homeschool? Must start early so they’re set up for success. Community? Must always be available for people. Saying “no” means you’re unloving and selfish. Meals? Must be made from scratch. Our days? Must be productive. Fun? Psh, there’s no time for that. My life? Must be together at all times. And no matter how hard I tried to live under these expectations, I just kept failing. I couldn’t do it all; I wasn’t good enough. Could it be that my standards were too high? No, of course not. The issue was me. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t be perfect, which only led to more overwhelm and anxiety, so why keep trying?
Thankfully though, I have some really wonderful people in my life. People who see the good in me, and see my struggle through a lens of compassion, not through a lens of criticism. People who desire good for my life, people who love me. These people know the intimate details of my past, and instead of shame, these people offer life. They point me to Jesus, speaking truth in love, offering wisdom and wise counsel, helping me to carry my burdens.
Oh you guys!! Who you have in your life matters; these are the kind of people to do life with!! These are people we should try to be for others!! These people have challenged me and the lies I’ve been believing. They’re calling crap on my high standards, and encouraging me to let go of perfectionism and productivity. Thank you Lord for these people! They are sweet blessings I will never take for granted!
One of these people has been in my life for years, and knows how deep this struggle goes, and also how common it is for women in our culture. She offered a small challenge to me yesterday, one that caught me off guard. She said for two hours a day, she wants me to play with my kids. Don’t bake, don’t homeschool or read books, don’t walk to get your daily movement in, nothing that is educational or producing. She knows me too well to fall for the “but those are things I enjoy”. I enjoy those things because I feel like I can check off two boxes… Fun and productive all in one! Instead, she was challenging me to “just play”. To delight in my life and all the blessings that have been bestowed upon us.
So today was the day. I would learn to play.
As the kids and I got our shoes on to head outside for our daily morning walk, I knew it was time. Instead of the stroller and bike, I grabbed the new giant bubble wands and bubbles. While pouring the soapy liquid into the flat trays, the boys were filled with excitement while I was filled with dread. I didn’t know how to play. My kids don’t even ask anymore, they know our one-on-one time will be cooking or baking or doing school or doing other productive things. Play and Mommy don’t go together.
I watched as my boys ran all through the yard making bubbles, giggling and chasing each other. Why couldn’t I do that too? Do I even know what my laugh sounds like anymore? The weeds that needed pulling beckoned me, but not as much as those precious giggles. Giggles that will all too soon turn into deep chuckles as my boys grow into men and leave our home to start their own journeies. Do I really want to waste all these years with my kids working and being productive 24/7? One day as I watch them graduate from high school, or get married, or hold their first child, what moments of their childhood will I cherish? What will they remember about their Mom? One who was too busy working to find time to truly play and delight in them? I might not be the funny one, my gifts are found elsewhere, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have fun…
Like jumping off the deep end, I just went for it. I ran around our yard chasing those bubbles like I wasn’t a 29 year old woman with neighbors watching. I jumped and laughed and popped any bubble that dared to cross my path. As I attempted to “just play”, my boys froze with looks of shock on their little faces. Who is this woman playing?!? Afraid that they might blink and I’d be back to my need to achieve self, they joined in with squeals of laughter like I’d never heard before. As my to-do list sat untouched, we ran and laughed and played the morning away. We ate popsicles and watched clouds laying on a blanket, we told stories and laughed at our silly imaginations, we delighted in the beautiful day and in each other’s beautiful souls. We grew closer together today, and it was all because I chose to play.
Producing the Fruit of Joy in our Home
What I’ve viewed as a waste of time, was actually time well spent producing the fruit of joy both in my heart and in the hearts of my children. Thank you Lord for the conviction to delight in all that you have given us, and for loving friends who encourage me to listen to and obey your gentle nudges. I pray you keep growing me each and every day to look more like you, and I pray you do the same for all of those reading these words who, like me, are missing the joy in their mundane days.
Today, with the Holy Spirit’s leading, this busy Momma learned to play. So now I ask you, what is the Holy Spirit nudging you to do? And I encourage you to do it. Because following God’s plan and gentle whispers is something we will never regret.
To the busy Mom… The one whose worth is wrapped up in her performance. The one who is praised for her diligence and work ethic. The one who seems to have it all together, yet always feels so far behind. The one who feels rest is earned only through enough hard work. The one who holds herself to a standard of perfection, and lives in shame knowing she will never reach it. The one who wears all the hats, and is afraid to ask for help because she doesn’t want to be seen as weak. The one always on the go, afraid to slow down. The one who feels the conviction to stop running and delight in all that is good, but is afraid to let go of her identity… To you, busy mom… Don’t let your to do list blind you from your blessings. Your identity is not in what you do, it’s in who you are and who God made you to be. What peace it might bring to take a deep breath, and delight in those precious babies around you. It’s okay to slow down Momma, enjoy these days. They go fast... Sincerely, A Fellow Busy Mom
