Walk in Confidence Momma

Verse: Ephesians 2:10 Song: Rich by Eli Gable

Written By: Jessi Drost

“You’re okay just being a mom?”

“Wait, you’re having another baby? Why would you want to do that?!? Aren’t you worried your body won’t bounce back now that you’re in your 30’s?”

“Don’t you want to work outside the home at least a few days a week so you have some purpose? Don’t you want to use your degrees?”

“Aren’t you worried you’ll lose yourself? I’d feel like I was wasting away my life if I did what you did everyday…”

“You’re okay living on such a tight budget? Wouldn’t it be easier to live off of two incomes? 

“Doesn’t Wyatt resent being the only one working? I’m sure you could get a great job with your background and education!”

“Let me know when you’re ready to have a real job again, I know someone who would love to hire you!”

“You know, there’s no reward for pouring so much energy into your home. This isn’t 1950!”

“How do you do it all? Aren’t you bored? When do you have time for yourself?”

“But isn’t it hard to homeschool with little ones at home too? Why would you choose to do that when it’s so much on you?”

“I could never spend that much time with my kids… I’d lose my mind!”

“You know, you don’t have to do all of this. I know I wouldn’t choose to!”

“I just don’t know why you would choose this path; I’m worried about you!”

…

Would you say that to a woman who is actively working as a doctor or a teacher or any other career field outside of the home? When they have a hard day do you tell them to just quit, or do you encourage them because “everyone has hard days”? 

Well, everyone is allowed to have hard days but stay at home moms it seems…  

Why do we say to stay at home moms what we would never say to women in the work force? When did we think we were justified in telling other women how they should live, instead of choosing to support them on the path they desire? Because believe it or not there are plenty of us who desire to be home loving on our babies, and plenty of wonderful husbands who do actually see the value and worth in their wife choosing to stay home and raise their children. They know how much work it is, they are grateful for their wife and her efforts, and they are just as dedicated to pouring into the hearts living in their home too. 

Now we certainly have our opinions on how to best live life just like anyone else, and there is always nuance to every persons situation (I know I am blessed beyond measure to have the support I do from Wyatt, and the choice to stay home and homeschool our children), but can’t we agree that it’s best to simply encourage and support each other even if someone is making choices different than your own? That casting judgement disguised as “advice” is actually more hurtful than helpful? That the last thing parents in the thick of raising their kids need is to feel like they need to defend their very well thought out choices? That there is a difference between asking questions out of curiosity so you can better support them and asking questions to debate or shame them? Isn’t this just common sense?

Thankfully we have reached the point where we no longer bat an eye when someone voices their opposition to our choices; we know they are different from what a lot of people would choose to do, but it took us a long time to get to a place where we can walk in confidence knowing we are in alignment with the Lord’s will for our lives. 

But it wasn’t always that way…

When I was a grad school student while also completing my 40 hour a week dietetic internship while also working part time while also having a one year old, no one asked me how I did it all…

No one made me feel like I was doing too much or told me that I should take things off of my plate or make more room for my own “self care”. No one batted an eye when I would share how heartbroken I was that I left the house before my little baby was awake and got home just in time to rock him to sleep. The guilt and sorrow I felt was met with responses like “he will be okay, your mom is taking great care of him”, “this is normal for most women”, “you’ll get used to it”. 

I was praised for my work ethic and my ability to juggle all the balls. I listened to all those voices when on the inside I knew I was casting aside my family and our desires for what was considered “normal”. And I hated it. 

I would lay awake at night with tears in my eyes, remembering how much I loved spending my childhood days at home with my own Mom. I’d known even back then that more than anything in the world I wanted to be a Mom. I wanted to be the one to kiss their boo boos, to sing them songs at nap time, to hug them when they felt scared, and celebrate with them when they learned something new. I wanted to be the one alongside my husband to teach them and mold their little hearts, to delight in who God made them to be and point them to his purpose and plans for their lives. I didn’t want to feel like I was missing all of the most important moments of their lives in exchange for the American dream… but I felt guilty to admit that. 

I cared more about what other people said than what God, my husband, and my own heart wanted for our lives. I was convinced I needed to dream big, as if the dream of motherhood wasn’t worthy enough…

At that time I never could have imagined we’d be where we are today. Three more blessings added to our family, with the hope for more. A small little house bursting at the seams with love and life. Old cars that exist for function over fashion. Choosing to make a career out of pouring myself into caring for the hearts of our children and creating a healthy home for them, and for anyone else who enters our doors. And sacrificing majorly in worldly things to do so… Jumping on board with homeschooling our kids and actually loving it! Growing in confidence and no longer caring about the judgment of others, because I know I am exactly where the Lord wants me to be. 

I wish I could tell that new Momma 7 years ago that she wasn’t a failure for not wanting to juggle all the balls the world tells us we need to juggle as women. That forging a new path in obedience to God, hand in hand with your husband, will lead to the happiest place you could ever imagine. That you’ll get to spend your days shaping souls while making muffins with little helping hands, lighting candles and reading books to hungry little minds, and working in the garden with dirty toddlers, reflecting on all the ways God made our world beautiful. That coffee and conversation will flow from your home as other young Mommas and families fill your little home and grow in confidence simply by being in your presence. That your dreams will work in accordance with your family, not against it. That it’s okay to say “no” when something is not in alignment with your family mission and focus. 

I might not be able to go back in time and encourage myself in those first few years of motherhood to stand boldly in what the Lord was asking me to do, but I can encourage you young new Momma…

I can share the beauty of our simple little life with you so that you can see first hand that the sacrifice it will take to walk in obedience to the Lord is worth it! I can show you that saying yes to a simpler, slower life will not only heal your heart and your husband’s heart, but the hearts of others too. I can tell you that the Lord will provide in ways you never knew possible (Matthew 6:25-34), and that he will use his ways of provision in your life as a testimony to encourage others and be a blessing to them in return. 

I can guarantee you that some days will be hard, and some days you will want to quit, but remember any path you are meant to walk on will have its own hardships (John 16:33). But hard doesn’t always mean bad, especially when you are living in alignment with God’s plan for your life. The Lord will use that hardship to grow you and strengthen you so that you will better reflect his character (James 1:2-4). He will use it to humble you and make you fully dependent on him. His desire is to have your heart, and there is nothing like hard moments to bring you to your knees in front of him (Psalm 34:18). And remember that he will comfort you and guide you each step of the way if you truly choose to live your life fully for him. 

If you’re anything like me, it might be hard to filter out the judgements and lies others will cast on you for your choices. But remember you live for the Lord, not for man (Galatians 1:10). If you remain in the Lord, he will guide your every step (Proverbs 3:5-6, 16:9), and you can walk in confidence knowing you are right where God wants you to be, and that my friend is all that matters.

Momma, whatever path God has for you, walk boldly and confidently for him. 

If your path looks anything like mine, and you’re being asked to set aside worldly glory and gain for shaping the hearts and souls of your children, know that it is a worthy path, even if the world says otherwise.

The work you do within the walls of your home will impact generations to come, so work diligently with intention and humility for you are working for the Lord.

Seek him and his wisdom and strength, because I promise you, you will need it. Pray for like minded community to run the race with and for Titus 2 mentors to come alongside of you for encouragement and support. Pay attention to the fruit of those who have gone before you, and glean wisdom from those who the Lord highlights to you. Don’t be afraid to go against the grain and do things differently than someone else, you aren’t living to please them but God, and each family and each child is unique, with individual needs and purposes.

Momma, soak up every single second with those little blessings the Lord has entrusted you with because it really is true that the days may feel long, but the years are short. And remember, hard days and hard seasons will come, but we can do hard things when working alongside the Lord. 

Your legacy might just depend on it. 

I pray Lord that these words would reach the heart of the Momma you intended them for. That you would encourage and guide her as she and her husband embark upon their own journey of parenthood. I pray for unity in their marriage as they make decisions for their family, big and small. I pray that they would lean on you for guidance in every decision they make, and that they would remember those sweet children are gifts from you to be cherished, loved, and brought up in your truth. I pray that you would give them the strength they need to walk in confidence for whatever purpose you have for them and their family. I pray that any fears or doubts would be casted out, and instead they would be filled with faith. I pray that when they face hardship, they will remember that you are a good Father who is always with them. I pray that they will remember that you will use whatever trials they may face for good, even if it seems impossible right now. 

Lord, you have grown us so much through our own trials, may we use them as a testimony to shine your love, your light, and your voice. Let our home and our hearts be your vessel to bring others closer to you Father. 

Amen