The Chains That Bind Us

Verse: Psalm 27 Song: The Prodigal Song by Cory Asbury

Written by Jessi Drost

The dream that began my journey to true freedom, and the reason behind my tattoo.

I’m running through the woods. It’s dark, I can’t catch my breath, I keep looking over my shoulder, waiting to be caught. I don’t know where I’m going, I just know I need to keep running. Running from the past, running from the judgments, running from the darkness. If I stop it will all catch up to me.

All of a sudden the woods and darkness fall away and I enter an open field. People are standing all around the perimeter. They’re shouting, laughing, judging. They’re mocking me. They all know. They know how broken I am. They know the mistakes I’ve made. They know the truth. I’m too far gone. God could never use me, and they know it. I know it.

I have to run, but there’s nowhere to go.

They’re getting closer, surrounding me, pointing, mocking. Here comes the darkness, I have to run before it consumes me. My eyes search frantically for an escape but there is no way out. Back to the darkness, it’s the only way. Stay hidden, stay in your cage. You don’t deserve to come out. You don’t deserve to be free. Back to the cage. Put your chains back on. Sure, they can control you, but at least in here they can’t see you.

Hide. It’s the only way to cover your shame.

My tears fall, the mockers win again. I rattle the cage, but it’s no use. Will I ever truly be free? Will I ever be good enough? Defeat sets in.

The cage door opens. There stands Jesus. His hand is outstretched and his smile is soft. He understands; He knows all that I have done, but he wants me anyway. But the people are still out there. I can hear their shouts and mockery. I hear the cruel laughter. How can I go out there when they know the truth? Jesus crouches down to enter my cage. He grabs my hands, looking down at the binds around my wrists. His hands cover the cold metal, and all of a sudden the chains are gone. With his finger, he writes the word “free” on my wrist. I slowly lift my shame filled eyes, and Jesus is crying. He has been broken hearted for me this whole time. His hand touches my cheek, and his kind smile comforts me. Slowly he exits my cage, and once again extends his hand for me to take.

My chains are gone, I can walk free! I take the hand of Jesus and slowly stand. The mockers are so close they can touch me, but Jesus doesn’t let them. He protects me. His eyes say to me “follow me, look only to me, I will keep you safe”, so I do. Hand in hand, Jesus leads me through the crowd. They are yelling, they are angry, they don’t want me to be free. Just breathe, just breathe. I am free, I am safe. I am with Jesus, they can’t touch me. I am a child of God, Jesus lives in me. I am safe, just breathe.

We re-enter the woods, this time though the fear is gone. We keep walking, hand in hand Jesus leads me. For the first time in so long I feel no anxiety. He leads me to a different open field and I’m afraid to look up. Jesus lifts my chin, and his kind eyes meet my shame filled ones. He smiles, nods his head, and shows me where he has taken me. This field is my home. My husband, my children, my mission field. Wyatt waves and his eyes say “welcome back, we missed you”. The tears flood my eyes. Oh Lord I am so sorry I went back to the darkness! Jesus points down to what he wrote on my wrist.

Free.

I am free. Jesus saved me. I am free.

He tells me to go, my family is waiting for me.

I feel the sun on my face. The darkness is gone. Smiling, I walk towards my husband. I take his outstretched hand, and with our children running all around us, we walk back to our home.

This is where I belong.

I am free.

Psalm 27

A psalm of David.

1 The Lord is my light and my salvation—
    so why should I be afraid?
The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger,
    so why should I tremble?
2 When evil people come to devour me,
    when my enemies and foes attack me,
    they will stumble and fall.
3 Though a mighty army surrounds me,
    my heart will not be afraid.
Even if I am attacked,
    I will remain confident.
4 The one thing I ask of the Lord—
    the thing I seek most—
is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
    delighting in the Lord’s perfections
    and meditating in his Temple.
5 For he will conceal me there when troubles come;
    he will hide me in his sanctuary.
    He will place me out of reach on a high rock.
6 Then I will hold my head high
    above my enemies who surround me.
At his sanctuary I will offer sacrifices with shouts of joy,
    singing and praising the Lord with music.
7 Hear me as I pray, O Lord.
    Be merciful and answer me!
8 My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.”
    And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.”
9 Do not turn your back on me.
    Do not reject your servant in anger.
    You have always been my helper.
Don’t leave me now; don’t abandon me,
    O God of my salvation!
10 Even if my father and mother abandon me,
    the Lord will hold me close.
11 Teach me how to live, O Lord.
    Lead me along the right path,
    for my enemies are waiting for me.
12 Do not let me fall into their hands.
    For they accuse me of things I’ve never done;
    with every breath they threaten me with violence.
13 Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness
    while I am here in the land of the living.
14 Wait patiently for the Lord.
    Be brave and courageous.
    Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.